Before Church: From Life Span to Survival Rate

Sunday, August 25, 2019

“For this is the will of the Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in Him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.” John 6:40

Life.  It is what drives us, that survival instinct that makes us fight to live.  This verse comes from the famous “I am the bread of life” speech the Lord Jesus gives, and we hear, over and over, that He is the source of life, He is the new manna come down from Heaven, and in Him is eternal life. If Christ is our life, if we look on Him and believe in Him for our sustenance, then we will have eternal life, Jesus Christ will raise us up from death, on our last day we will be resurrected to paradise.  That’s His promise.

My expectations were high.  A year out from cancer surgery and radiation, and I had great expectations, but these doctors are cautious fellows.  My two biggest questions: am I cancer free?  How long before the pain goes away?  Answers: not encouraging.  Pain?  Might never go away; scar tissue and residue from the radiation targeting implant may mean lifelong pain.  And “Cancer free”? That’s a label you get after ten years of clean scans, and I’m nine years out from that.  Because after cancer, they stop talking about your life span and start talking about your survival rate.  How long has it been since you were diagnosed? How long have you survived?  And they even call us: survivors. 

Jesus promised us life eternal.  That means my doctors are wrong.  It is not that they aren’t accurate in worldly terms, but I’m going to live forever. My life span doesn’t end when this aging body dies. Jesus said, over and over, that His mission is about life; He came to bring life, abundant life; His job was to make us immortal once again.  Forever life spans!  If we believe in Him, we are raised up on our last day.  We wake up to eternity.  We close our eyes in one world and open them up in a place of no more pain, no more sin, no more sorrow, no more grief, with a brand-new body.  I’m not limited by a survival rate; I am already living in the atmosphere of eternity.  Thanks to Jesus, my life span is forever. 

When we start living as eternal, immortal believers in Jesus it shifts our perspective.  With all of eternity ahead, there is no limiting factor that this world, or the doctors, can place on us.  Our lives are in the hands of God.  We am not just surviving, because of the life of Jesus Christ in us, we are thriving!  Eternally thriving! When troubles come that seem to drain away life from us, we know that Christ is our eternal source of life, the bread of Heaven given to us who believe, a never-ending source of eternal nutrition that will sustain us not just in this life, but forever.  Our life span is forever. 

Before Church: Who Do You Think You Are?

Who do you think you are? 

Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God.  Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; our sufficiency is from God, Who has qualified us to be ministers of a new covenant, not in a written code, but in the Spirit; for the written code kills, but the Spirit gives life. II Corinthians 3:4-6

Starting something new?  Your internal voice will challenge the new.  Creatures of habit, we humans don’t like change.  If only our consciences were sinless; I could use a little Jiminy Cricket in my life to steer me the right way.  So that internal voice can be right, or it can be wrong, and when I start something new, and maybe you have heard it too, the question comes up: who do you think you are?  Who do you think you are to tell people about God?  Who do you think you are to advocate for life, for suicide prevention?  Who do you think you are, to call people to take career risks that you have avoided for years?  Who do you think you are to interpret Scripture?  Who do you think you are to make sermons, serve communion, or baptize? Who do you think you are to write books?  And to sell them? Who do you think you are?

Most often, it’s of the enemy.  Who am I?  I am a child of the Living God.  I am redeemed, and have the indwelling Holy Spirit to guide me and teach me (way better than Jiminy Cricket!).  I am called by God, entrusted with a ministry.  It may be my church job, it may be my job out in the world, it may be my hobby, but somehow God is going to use me to expand His Kingdom.  And God doesn’t send us out there without resources.  Nothing in the Kingdom of God is wasted.  God gives me experience and education to prepare me. 

I am the mother who lived through the suicide attempt of my daughter.  I am the teacher who went the second mile to not just master mathematics at the collegiate level, but squeezed in a semester in France in order to learn this language well enough to teach it.  I am the mother who has raised five children, children who are all college-educated and employed.  I am the wife of one man, going on four decades now, with deeper joy than I can tell.  I am the seminary graduate, who did not settle for lay ministry but fought through the rigors of a master of divinity program and the ordination process.  All of this came not through me, but through the Spirit of God, the grace of Jesus, because He put before me a path that I could only walk through His Holy Spirit.  He qualifies me, and my sufficiency comes from God Who uses everything in my life to enhance my witness.  

So who am I to do these things?  I am the woman who by life, by faith, by experience, and by education is eminently qualified to share my story, in the hopes that grace will reach new hearts, so they, too, can follow Christ. Who are you?

Before Church: Victims First

Before Church

Sunday August 11, 2019

Confessions of a Church Hopper: Victims First

Isaiah 61:1-5

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor,

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound,

to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God

to comfort all who mourn,

to grant to those who mourn in Zion –

to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;

that they may be called oaks of righteousness,

the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.

Brokenhearted, captive, in prison, bound, mourning, living in ashes – I can think of no better descriptors for victims of child sexual abuse.  And when it happens in church, the wound is that much deeper. How do we respond?  It must always be: victims first.

Wounded church, where a youth pastor sexually abused dozens of young children – that’s one of the churches I wandered into unawares.  Unreported for years these allegations recently surfaced, and church leaders immediately called police and church authorities - exactly the right response.  The perpetrator, who had moved on to another church, was removed from his job and arrested. Then the story broke like a storm in the local media.  Internal investigations from the denomination were thorough, and church discipline was imposed by denominational leaders.  One of the requirements was a sermon on the topic of sexual abuse by clergy, and that’s the Sunday I visited. 

Prayer started the service, prayer for the preaching pastor and for all the victims – not just of this pedophile but for all the silent victims who were undoubtedly sitting in the pews – statistically there were dozens more among us.  I cannot imagine stepping into my dream ministry job only to find out that some evil predecessor had muddied the holy water with the foul filth of his unrepentant sin, devouring the souls of children even as he abused their bodies.  This kind of betrayal does not just harm us physically, it is a soul-rending violence that attacks us in a place where we should be most safe: at church.  It ruptures the trust we should naturally have in people who care for us, and has life-long consequences.  As part of their corporate penance, the pastoral team met with every victim, apologized to them, and worked to find them help for recovery.  The preacher also apologized from the pulpit.  He told the victims not to give up on Jesus Christ or on the Gospel, that God always was and is, trustworthy. 

Real healing for sexual abuse victims comes from exorcising the pain, often buried for years in silence and shame.  Victims find healing in finally telling the truth about what happened, and being assured that it was not their fault.  Sometimes they realize, for the first time ever, that a trusted adult targeted them and used a position of authority to make opportunities to molest, rape, and do violence to them.  The shame belongs not to them, but to the abuser, the guilt belongs, not to them, but to the abuser, the punishment belongs not to them, but to the abuser.  Counselors help victims process their emotional and psychological pain, but spiritual healing only comes from Christ.  And how do we offer spiritual healing when the very place of healing was the place of betrayal?  People who have suffered such abuse sometimes come back to a cleansed church, sometimes go to another church, but often stop going to church altogether.  Who can blame them? 

Public confession is hard, but it is the first and right step for healing the church family.  Silence does not protect the church, but reduces it to a mere institution.  We, as God’s people, are not in the business of preserving institutions, we are in the business of healing through grace. Victims first. Our prayers, our witness, our work should be about healing the wounded.  All of us come to Christ with the need to be healed from something; our testimony of our healing should offer hope to those whose wounds have not yet been bound up.  Christ came and suffered to bind up these wounds that are deep in the brokenhearted, exchanging our ashes and mourning for joy, for comfort, for liberty, for the oil of gladness and garments of praise. Real, deep healing makes us God’s planting of righteous oaks, strong and mighty in His power, re-made by grace.  A mere institution may survive the wounds of sexual abuse, but it is a shell, a building, a social gathering.  A loving community of wounded people seeking and offering healing to each other in Christ will not only survive, but thrive as the people of God, the family of God, the church. Walking the humble path of confession and repentance and restitution together is the only way to cleanse the damage of the abuser and bring spiritual healing to those who suffered abuse.

Are you a victim of sexual abuse?  Have you carried the pain and guilt and shame that belongs to your abuser? Let it go. It’s not your fault.  Come to Jesus.  Let Him shoulder this burden for you.  And seek out some help from a pastor and a Christian counselor.  Find a church where faith meets practical healing, help, and prevention of this evil.  God promises to bind up the brokenhearted; let Him start with you.  Spiritual healing is possible, and it is found in churches filled with the Holy Spirit.

Have we learned our lesson yet?  Have the headlines and court cases about sexual abuse taught us about our responsibility as church members?  A good church does not say, “This could never happen here;” a good church takes all possible precautions to prevent sexual abuse, and also has a protocol in place if allegations ever arise that start with: calling the police, suspending the accused, getting help from denominational leaders.  We can’t be like the world, we can’t protect the church like it’s an institution.  The church is not buildings or bank accounts, the church is people.  Soul-winning and soul-healing is what we are about, and that always starts with victims first.

Before Church

Voices Restored ~ Sunday, August 4, 2019

Jeremiah 33:10,11

“Thus says the LORD: In this place of which you say, ‘It is a waste without man or beast,’ in the cities of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem that are desolate, without man or inhabitant or beast, there shall be heard again the voice of mirth and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voices of those who sing, as they bring thank offerings to the house of the LORD:

‘Give thanks to the LORD of hosts,

for the LORD is good,

for His steadfast love endures forever.’ 

For I will restore the fortunes of the land as at first, says the LORD.”

After thyroid surgery the doctors told my mother that she would get her voice back, in a year.  Sure enough, a year later, her beautiful soprano voice became strong and melodic once more.  More often than not, when we go through a trauma or an illness, it steals our voice; we lose the ability to speak and to sing, and what used to be an instrument of praise fades into silence.  It’s hard to sing when you’re down and out.

Jeremiah’s prophecy is for Judah, who have already been invaded and seen the first wave of exiles go off to Babylon, and who – still stuck in their stubborn idolatry and all its concomitant sins – will see a second invasion that will devastate their country completely, destroy Jerusalem, destroy the Temple of the LORD and raze it to the ground.  But Jeremiah is looking beyond that.  He is looking beyond destruction, beyond 70 years of exile, to a time of return, God’s promise to bring the exiles back to their homeland to rebuild it.  And that is exactly what happens, 70 years later. 

When do we sing?  When do we raise our voices in gladness? We sing in times of mirth, when our hearts overflow with joy, we sing at weddings, we sing when we worship, we sing when we bring offerings, and we sing to give thanks to God. Jeremiah promises that all of these will be restored.

After a heartache, or an illness, or a transition, I sometimes realize, all of a sudden, that I haven’t been singing.  In the film Amazing Grace, when his fight against the slave trade becomes overwhelming, William Wilberforce loses his song.  But singing helps us recover.  Singing a song, especially a song of praise that is special helps us to breathe, helps lift our spirits, helps us connect with God, and helps us heal.

So sing this morning.  Go to church and sing.  It doesn’t matter if it’s good, God calls us to make a joyful noise.  And when you lose your voice, listen to others who still can sing.  Soon you will be singing the songs of Zion, the songs of mirth, of gladness, of marriage, of thanksgiving, and of praise.

Before Church

Confessions of a Church Hopper: Insider Hypocrites

Sunday, July 7, 2019

Y’all are gonna be so glad when I find a church home. Like a food critic coming into a restaurant, everyone trembles lest they are the next observation on the Beth Stone church-hopper list.  I wonder if my picture is circulating in the Lexington ministerial, so greeters know me on sight and report me to the pastor; after all, they don’t want to become the next cautionary tale in this spontaneous and hopefully anonymous, review.  If you’re wondering if these examples are about your church, probably not.  One woman can only make so many visits.  And you’ll be relieved to see I am preaching myself for the next five weeks; you can come see if I practice what I preach!  Speaking of which . . .

Hypocrites, the constant criticism aimed at the church. A friend of mine once said, “My husband and I don’t go to church, it’s full of hypocrites.” 

Before I could stop myself I said, “Always room for two more!”  Wow.  Foot in mouth moment if ever I committed one.  She chuckled ruefully, obviously got my point, but didn’t go to church.  So what do we do with a church full of hypocrites? 

Jesus was on about hypocrisy.  He called out Pharisees  trying to trap Him in His teaching in Matthew 22:15-22; He called out rich people who made a hypocritical spectacle of their generosity in Matthew 6:1-4, and He called out His listeners to not judge others for teeny speckly sins while having sin-logs in their own eyes (Matthew 7:1-5).  But here’s the spiritual difference: do you know you’re a hypocrite? 

A hypocrite is someone who gets caught denying his own standards by doing the opposite of what he says.  It is someone who does not walk her talk.  It happens to all of us; we think we are doing all right, and then some besetting sin trips us up, and we fall headlong into the mud of hypocrisy.  Even Paul said, “I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very think I hate,” (Romans 7:15). But how does that translate for us, the insider hypocrites?

Insider hypocrites know we need grace.  We know, like Paul, that in striving to live the Christian life there are going to be slip-ups.  Major ones and minor ones.  Deliberate ones and unconscious ones.  Embarrassing ones and hurtful ones.  What do we do when we slip up?  Do we try to cover up or do we come clean?  Do we lie and prevaricate and justify our actions?  Or do we run to the throne of grace to find help in our time of need, calling on our great High Priest to cleanse us and set us back on the right road?  Cover-ups are pride; we pretend we don’t need Jesus.  Coming clean is how we keep on the path, because we know we need Jesus.  “There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 8:1).  He is the solution to our sin, the balm in Gilead, the help for insider hypocrites. 

One day, some day, we will slough off our hypocrites’ cocoons and soar into sinlessness by the grace of Christ.  Until then, let’s pray we remain fully aware that in the church we are all insider hypocrites, and show others the same grace, the same mercy, that we ourselves have received.

Before Church

Confessions of a Church Hopper: Coming Back for Seconds.

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.  Romans 15:7

New homeowners like us spend lots of time at home improvement stores, making a house functional and uniquely our own.  Always lots of projects on the front end, and that’s how I met: Melvin.  Retired from a career, he found new fulfillment at a huge home improvement retailer.  I needed bolts and washers; Greg had sent me with samples so I couldn’t go astray (at least that was the theory), and I walked into Melvin’s aisle. 

It was crowded.  Lots of people wanted help finding, among the hundreds of little drawers of hardware, their particular needed bolt, screw, or nails.  As each person came into his aisle, Melvin greeted them.  He introduced himself.  And although he had several customers, he kept us in mind and helped in order.  He talked to us about our particular projects, while adding small talk that showed he was not just interested in making money.  He found what I needed, then took time to show me how to measure and locate what I needed for future reference.  He found my bolts, and when he saw the last package was already opened, he authorized a discount for me.  As I left he said, “Be sure you come back and see me!”  His smile, his warm welcome, his helpfulness, his showing me the ropes so I was at home in his world, all impressed me so much.  And I thought, if churchy people behaved like this, more visitors would come back for seconds. 

My recent forays into new churches have been illuminating.  Some were friendly, some helpful, some welcoming, but in others no-one spoke to me except the pastor, and in one church I was actually invited to go elsewhere.  Many asked for contact information, but few followed up.  Where in the church are the Melvins? 

What if when people walked into a new church, our church, they met a Melvin?  Someone who noticed them and greeted them immediately, someone who spoke to them before they spoke to us, introducing ourselves and showing them the ropes, giving them a little information about how things work at our worship service?  What if we asked what brought them to our church family? What if they met someone who showed an interest in their life, and we shared a bit of ours? A Melvin at the door would go a long way to convince newcomers that a church does what Paul commands here: welcome for others as Christ welcomes every believer.  And what if, before they left, a Melvin made a point of saying, “Be sure you come back and see me.” 

Most visitors see pastors as professionals; paid to follow up.  But if a regular member shows genuine interest, making a newcomer welcome in grand Melvin-style, then the likelihood of them returning soars astronomically.  Even higher if Melvin follows up outside the church service and calls or visits.  If visitors trust you with their number, address, email, they should hear from the church that week.  Then people will come back for seconds.

Most visitors are looking to belong; they are trying to find out if this is their church home, or if church has any value at all.  Every church should have the aroma of home, a place where, even if we have never been there before, we feel wanted and welcomed.  It’s not the worship style, it is the fellowship, the hallmarks of grace, of comfort and restoration, of love, peace, and joy lived out in community, a community that wants to expand to include anyone who walks in the door. 

Are you called to be a Melvin in your church?  Every church needs them, lots of them.  Melvins at the door when people arrive, Melvins inside to explain how things work, Melvins who will stop what they are doing to invest a few minutes with a stranger, Melvins who will share a bit of their lives, Melvins on the way out to say, “Be sure you come back and see me!” And Melvins who will phone, visit, or email.  (Don’t ask for contact information unless you plan to follow up).  Melvins who invite people to church activities, include them, save them a seat, accompany them.  That’s why people come back for seconds. 

Before Church: Confessions of a Church Hopper

Confessions of a Church Hopper ~ Farmers and Builders

I Corinthians 3

Church hopping. Since moving to Kentucky, I’ve done a lot of church hopping.  Mega churches, mini churches, contemporary or traditional, been worshipping with all kinds.  Conclusion: no perfect churches out there, so if you’re looking for that, stop.  Good churches?  Lots. So what makes a good church? 

Let’s talk about leadership. Farmer or builder?  Workers in God’s Kingdom are labor in His field, or on His house with Him as the foundation.  Paul (and Sosthenes 😊) use these metaphors to show that God directs the work and the workers, and we workers are – nothing.  We plant, we water, but God gives the growth.  Paul is saying this so that we – Christians – do not form cultish attachments to our leaders and make celebrities out of them.  It is to protect us from making human idols.  It is to give all glory to God.  And it is to proclaim that the church continues no matter what leaders come or go, and all leaders should be striving for God’s glory, not their own. 

Christians – not just leaders – should be doing our best work for God.  We all should be working and our work should shine.  We are building on the foundation of Christ, and that should inspire us to do our best.  Not using wood, or hay or straw (two out of three of the little pigs found out how fragile those building materials were); our work should be like gold and silver and precious gems, so that when the fire of God comes at the end of the age, all the work we have done that is true and good and actually glorifies God will shine in eternity. 

Leaders belong to their people: “So let no one boast in men.  For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos, or Cephas [Peter], or the world or life or death or the present or the future – all are yours, and you are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s.” (vs. 21-23).  Spiritually we own all of it in Christ, and therefore we boast only about Christ, and look for others who seek only His glory. We don’t boast about people, this leader or that one.  We don’t boast about which teacher we follow, we don’t make idols out of our pastors or teachers or leaders.  We boast only about following Christ.  Certainly we celebrate the work of many Godly leaders and the work of Christians in all vocations, but we must never take our eyes off Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of our faith, our great Cornerstone, our only Foundation.  His work is the basis for our work, and His glory is always our goal.

Not sure where I’ll end up when I find a church home, but it will be where Christians in all callings work shoulder to shoulder to glorify Christ